Gay guy goes straight

As a queer man in a fraternity, my college career was straight men trying to explain away their queer tendencies as jokes and misunderstandings. (Bombastic Side Eye) A Reddit user recently. Real talk from straight and straight-ish guys. We recently asked straight men of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their experiences hooking up with other guys. Here's what they. “I’m a traditionally heterosexual guy, only dated and slept with women,” he began.

“I’ve been in a relationship for the last five years, but we broke up over the summer. “I’m trying not to get into anything new, and just enjoy my time in the city as a single guy for the first time as an adult. Personally I am okay with a straight guy coming to a gay bar with a friend or even their gf or even by themselves (although that last one would make me wonder if they’re really straight).

An unnamed year-old male Reddit user recently shared how his friendship with a new gym buddy led him to develop a crush on the guy and realize that he himself was bi. Posted June 27, Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. I recently finished reading Dr. This all got me thinking about my own friendships and those of my gay male clients.

The bonds between gay men and straight women have been written about and featured in popular media i. Sex in the City, Will and Grace , though a lot less has been said about how gay and straight men recognize and negotiate the distinct challenges, complications, and rewards of their friendships.

According to Garfield, among the many obstacles to male-male platonic intimacy , fear of homosexuality looms large. Straight men fret that if they get too close, others will see them as gay; which in their minds means feminine horrors!

gay man turns straight after alzheimer's

Perhaps even scarier is that their emotional connections will somehow morph into sexual attraction. Interestingly, in the U. But then, in the U. As a result of this behavior-identity link, sexual congress between gay and straight men decreased considerably, or at least went underground. Gay men have suffered physical, social, and psychological abuse at the hands of heterosexually identified males who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully justified in inflicting these terrors.

Further, male sexuality has traditionally been viewed as predatory and uncontrollable, which some men have used to rationalize the sexual harassment and assault of women. Stories, both real and fictitious, about prison rape among male inmates further reinforce the myth that men are unable to rein in their aggressive sexual tendencies. So it's no wonder hetero men would fear homosexuality and gay men in particular.

This legacy of violence, both physical and psychological, inflicted by straight men toward those of us who are gay naturally fuels our caution and distrust at the thought of befriending them. In his book, Garfield describes the stiff hugs he would receive from a gay friend. Fortunately, Garfield is all about talking such things out—good medicine for those among us who are the strong, silent, swallow-your-feelings-until-you-die-of-a-heart-attack type of guys.

As it turns out, the gay friend worried that if he hugged too closely his friend would think he was coming on to him. I realized I was doing everything I could to keep my genital area from touching his body. However, my partial embrace left my friend feeling as if I were withholding emotionally. After discussing this, we now fully hug. I am reassured he will not misinterpret any contact between our lower bodies, and he understands my need for this reassurance.

Few things can be a more soothing balm for us gay guys than a close friendship with a heterosexual man. Acceptance and, yes, love, from a guy who is not interested in us sexually but accepts our sexuality can begin to heal the abuse we have experienced from our fathers, bullying peers, and society at large. For the straight guy, friendship with a gay man offers the opportunity to learn important lessons about masculinity, male identity, sexual orientation , and diversity.

Thus there is significant payoff for both parties. But how do we deal with the possible sexual tensions that might come up? What if sexual feelings do emerge, or are already there? First, there is no need to panic. Part of being a mature adult is coming to the sad realization that we are not going to be able to have sexual relationships with everyone who floats our boat.

Often these sexual feelings, when not acted upon, can actually fuel affection and intimacy.